Classic!
Jason Alexander Just heard an evangelist on T.V. saying, "First of all, if Jesus came back today, he wouldn't have a Facebook page!" I disagree... I think he'd say, "First of all, what the f*ck is an internet?" Then given a few days to get used to it I think he'd say, "Gross! Dude, check out what this chic is doing to this donkey!!"
I am totally serious about this. I really did hear some moron saying this. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a HUGE people watcher. I find our species quite funny as a whole. For some reason I always here/see the dumbest we have to offer. And anyone who knows Peterborough knows that there are a few winners to choose from. Another example would be my outing to the Farmers Market. It's a great place to go to buy food that hasn't been sprayed with enough chemicals to make your poop glow. I wish I had a quarter for every time I smelled patchouli oil walking around that place. The conversation I was privy to that rather hot and sticky day came from a couple of Birkenstock, hairy armpit having and home made deodorant wearing "women" went something like this (Names have been changed for lack of memory):
"OH my goodness! you DIDN'T get little Rainbow-Stream-Buttercup-Rain vaccinated at birth or anything did you? He/she/it's way too cute to have been pumped full of that chemical garbage!"
"Gosh no! I did getting talked into the H1N1 shot for them by my spindoctor nurse practitioner though!"
I'm sure there was more to it after that but my brain went numb with stupidity... Those a-holes are also the ones that lie about getting their shots and forge their kids records for school. May they all get polio. That'll learn 'em!
The third and final hearsay for this evening comes from a sweet little lady of about 20 years of age while I was standing in line at Future Shop. She was soooo excited to be getting a new copy of one of the Twilight movies that has a commentary from one of the actors that she hadn't heard yet. Yep, I found someone who actually watches those... The overheard conversation went something like this (again, names changed for the same reason and it may not be exactly what was said but the general idea is there...):
"Star, guess what?!"
"Mercedes, you know I don't like guessing, thinking hurts me!"
"Sorry. I'll just tell you then. You know Marcy's new hook-up Snake? His birthday is on Christmas day!"
"No freaking way!"
"Yep, it's like the same as Jesus' birthday! And Jesus was born on Christmas day and look at how lucky he was!"
"I know right! It must be a lucky day!"
OK, I'll give you a second to let that all sink in.... Ya....
So, the last couple lines are almost exactly what was said even though I fluffed up the first part and the names. I think people like that should have an interview or something before having kids and, when found to be that stupid, they should have to have their tubes tied or something in order to somewhat filter out the gene pool... I am likely the farthest person from being religious at all but even I know a little about the bible... From what I have read, which is little, the "J" man didn't have a super happy go-lucky life. I mean, I hit my thumb with a hammer and I dance around and yell like Richard Simmons in a room full of fat women! Let alone having spikes driven through my hands and feet just to hang out and die! I don't just think it's women either before I get any comments from the thousands of readers I have. I think if men fail the same test they should have a rubber band with a lock on it tied around their nuts until they fall off like they do with pigs.
Anyways, that's all for tonight. I just had to get something down here to start up again. I've had 4 people say it was time for me to get a new one up here and that's 5 more than I thought read my blog in the first place! Until next time!
Stay classy internet!
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