Ah, the similarities just keep on coming! The boy took a couple of years off of my life again today. While he was having a nap, and I was
sleeping beside him watching him and doing other important things, he sat up like a rocket and yelled "I want Jooooooooozzz!!!"
(translation for those without children: If you aren't busy at this moment I would very much enjoy a cold glass of apple juice father. The sooner the better as I'm sure this is a life and death situation) When I came to my senses, and started my heart and breathing again, I looked over to see him upright and eyes closed. He then flopped back down onto the bed, hugged his stuffed puppy and continued on with his slumber. This is the second time he's done this. The first time I am not sure but I think he woke up looking for the stuffed puppy. One of three prized possessions. All three are puppies. A large one that cost my mother $.50 at a yard sale and the one he won't leave anywhere named "Puppy" and the other two are Webkinz, both dogs, one named "Puppy" (yep, that's right) and the second named "Barky." I don't even think that he got it last time he woke up, he just called for it and fell back asleep. The poor boy gets it quite honestly. The odd thing is, the last time it happened to me was last night. I up the ante a little though. I walk and talk. Last night I woke up in pitch black, not like really dark but you can squint a little and make things out dark. Blind and can't see your hand in front of your face black. I felt around and whacked my knuckles off of the bathroom sink. Now I was worried. How long had I been in here and what did I do before I woke up. I felt around for the light switch and when I turned it on I looked around the floor/sink and bathtub for traces of urine. Nothing. Toilet, check. Good. At least I didn't pee on the floor. I've never done it before but I know a guy that peed in his closet and in his laundry hamper. I've never peed in my sleep before. I'm hoping this was the first/last time it happens. Most of the time I wake up standing in the living room or sitting upright in bed. The time before last however was the dumbest by far. Against my better judgement I'll explain...
I was about to make dinner one night and I turned on burner and put the pan on it. The next thing I knew there was a plume of smoke bellowing out from under the pan. Puzzled at first and then it hit me like a Vietnam flashback... I suddenly had a vision/memory of the previous night which I had hoped was a dream. I remembered being in the kitchen and being very hungry. For some reason I opened the fridge and pulled out the Diana BBQ Sauce. I then opened the top and tipped it over and started waving it back and forth in short strokes to pour it in a zig-zag pattern onto my delicious bounty of....... Nothing... I slightly came to when I realized I had poured the BBQ sauce all over the burner of the stove. I grabbed a paper towel and gave it a quick wipe and put the sauce away and went back to bed and then forgot all about it until I turned on the burner for dinner. I turned off the burner and started to laugh. I was in a situation now. No one was there except Brodie. I know he isn't going to tell anyone because his vocabulary doesn't extend into insults on stupidity yet. So my situation was do I tell anyone? I had to. This was too funny not to! So here it is. I just wonder how many things I've done and don't know about it yet... I could have old roommates that see a shrink for the things they've seen me done in the middle of the night! Only time will tell! In the meantime I'm seriously considering getting one of those door alarms that they make for children and putting it on MY door!
Stay classy Internet!
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