"the old Jay man, he ain't what he used to be..."
Can someone please tell me when I got into this limbo place in life where I'm not old, yet I get daily reminders of how I'm not young anymore either? I know that I'm not just in denial about being old either because if I complain about anything people tell me to stop whining, I'm "not that old"... What the hell is "that old?" I'm seriously confused about this. All of a sudden I went from going skiing all day and then hitting the bar on one of those weekends where Saturday and Sunday are the same day because that little thing that is supposed to divide the day, sleep, didn't exist to being the guy where I walk up a set of stairs the wrong way and I can't look to the left for a week. Not to mention this involuntary response to standing/sitting up I have where I grunt like a weightlifter. I have never been a small guy and I am certainly not at my smallest now but I'm not at my biggest either. Plus, I find myself talking about young people in a negative way. Saying how kids are too young to do this and that. Anyone in their thirties and not sure about what I'm talking about should walk into a bar. I used to get a faster heartbeat when I saw a young lady in a short skirt. (Side note: is it just me or are girls getting boobs earlier and bigger "these days?") Now think it's awful and wonder what her parents did wrong. That may be the cause of all of this evil, parenthood. I used to think that I would want a boy for different reasons than I'm glad to have one now. If I ever see my son around some of the girls I had around me I'll lock him up. Another thing I've noticed lately is the IQ of my parents has gone way up. That's what I'd like to think anyways. The reality is that I've gotten smarter which in turn means that I was a meat head when I thought I was a freaking genius. A lot of the things they said that used to infuriate me I find myself thinking. My favourite one is "do as I say, not as I do"... Yup, I'm eating that crow now pops...mmmm... crow.... Time is also moving a lot faster now. I remember when I was a kid and the time it took for my mom to get ready to take us to the beach seemed like forever. Now I'm thinking something just happened and it was a year ago. I was looking at my Hotmail account the other day and found in the settings it says that I got my account with them on August 28th....1997. Not that long ago I thought. Then I did the math and realized that babies that were three when I got it are driving now. WTF? My short-term memory is gone for a shit also. Thursday afternoon I was busy but I had a thousand and one idea's going through my head about what to write about and when I got home my brain had a proverbial fart and it was gone. I sat here looking at a blinking cursor. The only thing I could think about is why they call it a brain fart. I came up with this solution, in case you were wondering, as to where it must have come from: When you're trying to think about something so hard and nothing comes out it can be compared to really trying to have a bowel movement and nothing comes out but air. Like I said, I was trying to remember so hard that I was coming up with anything. I'm sure that there is a million and a half things I could talk about here but this is a blog, not a book. But at least I got that off of my chest. Oh, I am carrying a notebook with me from now on... I'm going to call it Brain Fiber...Think about it...
Stay classy Internet!
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