Touchy Touchy!

My buddy Jeff on his big day, Duckface, Gang Sign and all.

And is that a Q-Ray bracelet? There goes a little bit of the respect I had for you...

A friend of mine that I used to work with got married this weekend. He met his now wife online. I'm not sure what site they used but I think it's one of those common interest sites. It was their shared interest in "donkey shows" I think that allowed fate to step in and join them forever. We met for drinks a while ago to catch up. He was newly divorced and I just keep getting better looking everyday and, since it'd been quite a while since we last had a few brown bottles and shot the proverbial shit, I thought it best for him to see how amazing I look and I wanted to catch up on everyday life in general. I had to ask what his Facebook status meant by "can't wait to see my African Queen!" He kind of blew me off and said he was going on a well deserved vacation and was meeting up with a friend he'd met online. I told him to be careful because, and I'm sure he didn't need any reminding, he didn't want a repeat of the last time he met a woman online and woke up in the bathtub of a $7.50/hour motel in North Dakota with no wallet and his shorts around his ankles and a shower curtain rod firmly planted in his backside. What Jeff failed to tell me was that the trip he was taking wasn't just to Las Vegas or Mexico but across the big drink and the equator to a South African city to meet, and propose to, a great woman named Tess. I really couldn't be happier for him. He deserves all of the best. He's just one of those genuine guys who you really want good things for. I wasn't able to make the wedding this weekend so instead I posted this on his wall:

Hey fella! Good luck today! You're following a long line of people who bring Africans to North America. Actually, you might not want to compare yourself to that tradition... ummm.... ya.... so... Hey, if this doesn't work out I hear there are a whack of Mexicans and Thai woman that would love to live here, er, I mean "...be in love forever"... This talk isn't going as planned... Good luck today Buddy!...

Congratulations Jeff and Tess. All the best to you both.

And,
Stay classy Internet!

I've Got The Music In Me

The boy and I take time each day to either sing or listen to music. Today we played guitar. I let him hold the pick and strum a few times. He loved it. Then it happened... The pick fell inside the guitar. He cried and cried. We aren't so different, you and I....

An older pic of my Bubby and I on my bed

He's always been attentive when it comes to music.

Not so much when told not to touch something

*I've decided that when a post is inspired by a Facebook status update that I will put said status update at the beginning of the blog in bold letters. It's my thought for now anyways. You know, until it just seems to be too much work...

Pretty much all of my memories from my childhood are music related or I can pinpoint that time in my life by a song. I'm not sure if everyone is like that or not. I don't really care. I am. Since the boy is fruit from my loins, which I find to be a disgusting term by the way, I'm hoping he'll be the same way. If not, I have been wasting a lot of time playing him music. I didn't find out who my real father was until I was in my early 20's. Upon this discovery I learned why music had always been so important to me. My biological father was a musician. Now, I know the whole nature vs nurture thing and I believe in a little bit of both. Upon learning this small morsel of information I was given a guitar from my girlfriend at the time. I had a basic book with chords listed and a small theory section. I learned basic chords and songs within a couple months and bled out my fingers in the process. I have always regretted not knowing earlier that it was in my blood. I have decided that my son will have the option for as long as he wants it. I can already tell that he likes music. But most kids do I think.... I don't want to pressure him into it or force feed him music to the point where he hates it. I do want him to take piano lessons because I think that the basics are learned there best. Who knows, maybe in the future he'll let me live off of his fame. Either way, I know that we will both be laughing at that time, long ago, he cried because the pick fell into the guitar opening.

Stay classy Internet.

Previous Facebook Status Updates Worth Repeating

I thought it a good idea to post some of my status updates from the past that I thought kinda funny and others commented on. I may take some time in the future to elaborate on them. That's one problem with using these thoughts as Facebook status updates. I feel rushed to get my point across because only so much is actually shown. I am not one of those people that can get everything out that is on my mind in a limited amount of characters. I don't like that pressure! My mother always said there are 3 types of people in this world; those who can count and those who can't...

"Are you gettin' crazy wit me essay? Don't you know I'm loco?"

Oh dear lord and my burning retina. God of karma please tell me what I did wrong to have to look down at the newspaper at the same time as the woman in the short moo-moo from 202 bent over to pick one up...

Someone should create something that you can type that means the action of pointing to your nose. Like a "you got it right on" kind of action. Hitting the "like" button just doesn't do it. When this is created said person and all that use said action should pay me $0.10 every time it's used. Just an idea...

Oh goodness, there isn't enough money for the ski trip and Screech has offered to sell his body to science but Zach thought of a carnival.... Oh what adventures will we have in Bayside today? Love lazy Sundays!

"This is one of those situations where dumping piss on your head is a bad idea" - Land of The Lost

Trying to teach the boy how to say diaper and he's trying. whenever their is a dirty one he calls it, and I couldn't make this up, a Bieber...

The boy is in the kitchen, bare bum, when I hear a trickling noise that can only be the sound of urine hitting the floor from 16 inches. When I come around the corner I see him standing and admiring the puddle he's created when he sees me and gets spooked. He takes off running but slips in his pee puddle and just like ...a cartoon his feet go from under him and he falls flat on his ass... I tried not to laugh...

So while walking with the boy I hear a voice behind us say in gruff tone, "Move to the left or right." I look behind to see a woman on a bike trying to get by. I take my time going to the left. On her way by the late 40's to early 50's woman says, "Dick." I explain to Brodie, loud so she could hear, that "Dick" must me...an, "thank you for moving to the left of the sideWALK so I could RIDE by".

Jason Alexander is just trying to have a quiet lazy Sunday morning staying in pj's for as long as possible but some ambitious year and a half year old keeps bringing me his jeans saying "please"

Friends don't let friends sweat in bras

I keep seeing the commercial for the Lysol no-touch soap pump. I agree 100% that the top of a normal anti-bacterial soap pump is covered in bacteria... However, and this is the part where I save you some cash, what is it we do after we touch it? You're welcome.

Wow, I didn't realize how many of these things I did. This brings us to the beginning of this month... I don't know how far back Facebook keeps. I will keep looking and perhaps make a volume 2 of these when I have some more time... I thought this would just take me a couple minutes... wowsers...

Stay classy Internet.

Cherry Post!

I love it when we laugh together. Even more when we don't

say anything and no one else knows why we are.

So here it is. My first blog. I guess the proper thing to do here is to explain how this came about and by doing so perhaps clear up the title as well. The other day I posted an update on Facebook about an experience in the car. In total there were 20 people who either made a comment, selected the "like" option or sent me a message about it. A friend from high school mentioned in her comment that I should write a book. This isn't the first time someone has told me what I should be doing with my specific way of writing and my sense of humour. I guess I should include that update here so we are clear as to what I'm talking about.

From the drivers seat I look into the rear-view and see, for the first time ever, my son pull a lovely chunk of, what can only be described as, nostril gold and proceed to cram it into his gullet. It's a banner day for the Alexander clan.

So there it is. The inspiration for the blog. After asking the friend what she meant by me writing a book and what I would talk about that would be interesting to others I let it fester in my mind for a couple of hours. I've thought about writing a book before. It's been something that I've toyed with and thought about for at least 20 years. I'm not that old so I guess that is most of my life. The idea has always excited me, I've thought of a million different things to do. I always wondered if anyone would read a biography of a "normal" (term used extremely loosely...) person. I then spoke to another friend online who said that perhaps I could write a book that consisted of short stories. I thought about that for the rest of the night. I often have conversations in my mind with myself. I assume everyone does it but they don't talk about it for fear of sounding nuts. That particular self-convo went something like this,
"I could do that, I could write a semi-humorous book with short stories"
"Do you really think so? Would this turn into something that was started with guns blazing and then fizz out half-finished?"
"I'm not sure, but I think I could do it"
"OK, even if you did go though with it, who would read such a book? Who would ever read a book of short stories that had no real meaning or purpose other than to just exist?
"Have you ever heard of the bible?"
"Touche self, touche."
I was toying with ideas and how to get started. I really didn't want to write it on paper. I can type way faster than write and it hurts my hands much less. Then I heard of a Twitter account that was started and now the guy has a book out and it's being mentioned on all sorts of pages and shows. Shit my dad said or something like that. I thought, that's it, a blog. Even if no one ever read it at least I will have it started somewhere... So there it is, and how it came to be. I, Jason "No, Not That Guy, Alan Alexander, have started a blog that will include thoughts and experiences from my life and most of all, my son. Brodie Alan Alexander. Please enjoy. Have a laugh on me.
Stay classy Internet.